Again I had a fight with my mom. She wanted me to go back home and take responsibilities of taking care of her and my grandparents who are in their late 80s. She said that I had taken so much from the family and now it’s the time to return the favor. I told her that I couldn’t and I have only one life that I want to live in the way I want to.

I am being extremely selfish I know. My mom is the only child in her family so she is the only one who could take care of my grandparents. As you could possibly imagine, that is a lot of work. Old people are tough to deal with because they often think they know everything and they are always correct. They ignore what you tell them and they get angry with you when things don’t work in the way they want.

My parents always want me to go back home. My dad blocked my credit cards in my freshman year to force me to go back home as he thought that with no money I would not be able to survive abroad. My mom also wants me to go back home. She keeps repeating those responsibilities as the only child in the family.

For a long time, I did not think too much about it, as I took it for granted that as young people I want to be away from my parents to explore the world as much as I could. But now I am no longer that young, and exploring the world is not as exciting as it used to be. I want to settle down and have a family, but I do not go back home with my parents.

I asked myself why. And I found the reason is that my family is not a family that can make me happy. It’s the opposite – it makes me so unhappy that I really want to run as far away as I could from it.

I told my mom my feelings about “home” and “family”, which must have broken her heart. But I want her to know that dragging me back home will not solve anything. I want her to understand that I will not be like her who is willing to sacrifice her life to take the family responsibilities. I also told her that seeing her do all these discourages me from pursuing a child in the future. I will not let anyone to suffer as my mom did. I want to let everything end in here.

I understand many people want to live longer, like live forever without dying. I do not. When I was a child, my families are broken badly, and I was very sad and unhappy. I told myself that I would only live until 40-year-old. Because living longer will only let me suffer more. Recently I share my thought that I had in my childhood with my mom, and surprisingly she told me that she had similar thought when she was young.

Life is too long for me. I honestly suffer from the fact that nowadays we human being can live longer and longer. I wish we could go back to the old times when people can live until mid age and until they die, they are strong and young.

I know I am silly. But who said there is a correct answer to how to live a life? Everyone has his own answer. What is important is not letting others enforce their answers to be yours.